Chennai, 29th November 2011
Dear Mr. Frusciante,
Namaste from India!
Unfortunately no one says things like that- Sorry to burst your bubble.
I know that you have millions of fans who write to you and I am sure that your PR manager is doing a bloody good job of sending them those automated replies. (I’m also sure that I’m going to get one of those as well but let my childish mind be fooled for the time being)
Anyway, unfortunately I am not your number one fan. But I like your music and the halo around your hair. But this isn’t about me. It’s about this 20 year old girl straight out of a chick flick. People tell me we’re sisters and though I don’t see it sometime,I love her very much. I'll stop rambling now.
Six months back, I moved away from home to a whole new city. A few months before I left, the both of us entered an RHCP phase. But she moved on and entered this “John Fruciante Phase". I asked her then what she wanted for her birthday. She said it quite simply; “I want John Fruciante.” Well, I know it sounds creepy and stalkerish. But she doesn’t love you or something. She just loves your music a lot.
She particularly loves this song called Carvel. I thought she was doubling over in pain the first time I heard her sing it and I hated it . But when you hear the same song sung over and over and over again, it slowly grows on you.
Anyway, this girl called Manasvini’s birthday is today (Don’t try and say her name. It’ll be an epic fail. Afterthought: Attempt saying her name, record it and send it to me. That could also be her birthday gift)
And I just remembered what she told me about wanting you. She hasn’t forgotten though. She asked if you were coming and I didn’t want to disappoint her so I said “Not this time sweetie…”. She somehow got the idea that I was playing mind games with her and that you actually were coming (I swear I don’t know how that idea ever got into her head!)
So, what do you think about coming to India? You can finally visit the place that started Vipassna meditation and stuff. And Chennai, where we live is fricking amazing! It’s filled with kooks, old people and people who’ll move somewhere else as soon as they have the chance. You’ll love it here!
Well, it’s probably a little late for you to come this birthday but you can visit whenever. The fact that you’re here seven months after her birthday could be the actual surprise element!
So Mr. Frusciante, What say?