I miss making up stories.
I was an exceptionally wierd child. And I lived in my own world. I loved every bit of it.
Until the Eight grade (when I realized that I needed friends) I was always by myself. I used to play with cardboard boxes and transform them into castles. Pillows and Blankets easily served as Turrets and Upholstery. I played with imaginary friends for days together. They were real to me. In a wonderfully weird way, they were very very real to me. I used to rush home from school so that my Olive Oyl Doll who was keeping them company ("Its rude to leave your guests alone"- My mum had taught me well) could go back to acting as the Sentinel.
I remember wrecking my parents room because I took every bedsheet available and strung them about the room so that they formed a "tent". The entire day I spent with a packet of chips and a Famous Five book. Even though the tent was demolished, the subsequent weeks were spent with my versions of George, Anne, Julian and Dick.
I tried very hard to fit into each different world that I created. To me, they had always been there and I was the newcomer.
When the world seemed to be going through a Pokemon phase, I was with the crowd. My new games involved my own Pokemon, imaginary battles, made up creatures and non existent trainers. It was around this time that I also started playing basketball and the my two favourite hobbies were bound together in the most fun situations where my Pokemon would help with my layups.
As I sowly grew up and became more involved in my school ( my "other life" as I used to think) these places and people slowly withdrew and became a lesser known part of me. Everything was confined to the mind's eye because a fifteen year old talking to her imaginary friends was hardly looked upon favourably.
That was when I started writing. I started writing down the conversations and everything else that mattered. It was just as fun. When I say that I write for myself, I think that I really did at one point of time. The spelling ,the syntax and the grammar didn't matter because it was only for my eyes.
Somewhere over the years, after reading so many books and caring about others' opinions I've realized that my opinion just reflected that of others. Somehow, now, my writing is not about characters whose souls I am very familiar with. The people who do occur in my writing were not of my own making somehow. They became like strangers to me. And I don't want to know them.
I think somewhere in between, the people I really cared about slipped from my mind and just wisps of them were left behind. And I unmindful of this, continued writing and I think that's why I didn't like what I wrote most of the time.
Recently, (a few months into starting this blog) I got bitten by a bug and I started writing like I had never done before. And I like what I write now even though it is quite different from the way I used to write when my real people (they were very real to me) starred in them.
I think I am very critical about my present style of writing because I miss the people who I used to write about. I think I miss the writing for myself. I miss the magically simple ending where everyone would live happily ever after. I think I miss all of it because I miss being 10 years old.
Well, they say every author has a story to be told. I don't know if this is the only one I have. This one is not very dramatic and someone out there might even call it dumb. But it is MY story. If every person in the world has such a story behind themselves, I wonder if it would ever be possible to find out every single person's. Probably not.
But then we are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams.
I was an exceptionally wierd child. And I lived in my own world. I loved every bit of it.
Until the Eight grade (when I realized that I needed friends) I was always by myself. I used to play with cardboard boxes and transform them into castles. Pillows and Blankets easily served as Turrets and Upholstery. I played with imaginary friends for days together. They were real to me. In a wonderfully weird way, they were very very real to me. I used to rush home from school so that my Olive Oyl Doll who was keeping them company ("Its rude to leave your guests alone"- My mum had taught me well) could go back to acting as the Sentinel.
I remember wrecking my parents room because I took every bedsheet available and strung them about the room so that they formed a "tent". The entire day I spent with a packet of chips and a Famous Five book. Even though the tent was demolished, the subsequent weeks were spent with my versions of George, Anne, Julian and Dick.
I tried very hard to fit into each different world that I created. To me, they had always been there and I was the newcomer.
When the world seemed to be going through a Pokemon phase, I was with the crowd. My new games involved my own Pokemon, imaginary battles, made up creatures and non existent trainers. It was around this time that I also started playing basketball and the my two favourite hobbies were bound together in the most fun situations where my Pokemon would help with my layups.
As I sowly grew up and became more involved in my school ( my "other life" as I used to think) these places and people slowly withdrew and became a lesser known part of me. Everything was confined to the mind's eye because a fifteen year old talking to her imaginary friends was hardly looked upon favourably.
That was when I started writing. I started writing down the conversations and everything else that mattered. It was just as fun. When I say that I write for myself, I think that I really did at one point of time. The spelling ,the syntax and the grammar didn't matter because it was only for my eyes.
Somewhere over the years, after reading so many books and caring about others' opinions I've realized that my opinion just reflected that of others. Somehow, now, my writing is not about characters whose souls I am very familiar with. The people who do occur in my writing were not of my own making somehow. They became like strangers to me. And I don't want to know them.
I think somewhere in between, the people I really cared about slipped from my mind and just wisps of them were left behind. And I unmindful of this, continued writing and I think that's why I didn't like what I wrote most of the time.
Recently, (a few months into starting this blog) I got bitten by a bug and I started writing like I had never done before. And I like what I write now even though it is quite different from the way I used to write when my real people (they were very real to me) starred in them.
I think I am very critical about my present style of writing because I miss the people who I used to write about. I think I miss the writing for myself. I miss the magically simple ending where everyone would live happily ever after. I think I miss all of it because I miss being 10 years old.
Well, they say every author has a story to be told. I don't know if this is the only one I have. This one is not very dramatic and someone out there might even call it dumb. But it is MY story. If every person in the world has such a story behind themselves, I wonder if it would ever be possible to find out every single person's. Probably not.
But then we are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams.





